Sorry I haven't been around much. Things are a little out of my control these days. My trip to Texas confirmed that my breast cancer has spread to my lungs. The doctor there says anything more than 2 years left is a gift. My doctor here is a bit more optimistic. We won't know though until we see how treatment goes. My cancer is not curable anymore. It can be managed to a certain extent with chemo. As long as we can keep the tumors in my lungs small and contained...I live. If the chemo doesn't work on them.....they get larger and I can't breathe....and... you know. Time will tell. I'm not going to go down without a fight, so I need all the prayers and good thoughts I can get from all of you.
I go to surgery tomorrow (Monday) morning to get my mediport put back in my chest so I can get my chemo there. I start chemo next week. I couldn't start this week because there was not a single opening for me this week. The cancer business is booming!
I have to admit I am scared as hell that the chemo won't work. I try to be positive and brave and have faith, but it's just so hard right now. I was SO SURE that I was cured. So much for faith.
This is hard to wrap my head around. I have too much to do and babies to raise yet. I guess I just need to do as my friend says...."let go...let God".
Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts. I will update you as I can. I miss talking to all of you.
hugs,
Deb
Dreamy...if I've learned nothing else in the last 11 months it's that we humans have such limited vision it's useles to try to think about the whys and what-ifs. I mean...my love died without warning in his sleep 2 months before his 36th birthday, yet my father was shocked by his defibrillator 25 times, spent 12 days in CCU and still lived to see his 77th birthday. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteEvery day is a gift for each of us, but most of us forget that the best way to say thank you for a gift is to use it, and use it well.
Just know that you are loved and that you are most definitely in my prayers and thoughts. Holding you in love and light, Deb.
That should have been 37th birthday, by the way, not that it matters much at this juncture.
ReplyDeleteHuggsssss tight, and please know darlin that you are in my thoughts and prayers and have been, not sure if this will help, but they told my husbands grandmother 3 yrs ago that she only had 6 months. She had inoperable lung cancer. She's still here with us, fighting, and she just had her 75th birthday. The chemo slowed it down, and she's been able to see her newest *smiles* batch of great-grandbabies. Huggsssssss you tight, and as dark as things may look sweetie (I KNOW HERE GOES MISS MARY SUNSHINE AGAIN)... there is always a light at the end of that tunnel.. just depends on which way it's going to shine. Praying for you and sending you much warmth and love.. and as many hugsss as you can handle.
ReplyDeletethinkin about you sweetie... we could compare owies ...
ReplyDeleteDeb
ReplyDeleteYou better believe that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. You know me, I'm always the one with a joke, but today, all I can think of is the speach Jim Valvano gave:
"to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get you're emotions going. To be enthusiastic every day and as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Nothing great could be accomplished without enthusiasm," to keep your dreams alive in spite of problems whatever you have. The ability to be able to work hard for your dreams to come true, to become a reality."
Just keep fighting....and I'll keep praying.
Trish.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.
ReplyDelete