Monday, November 29, 2010

A teacher's story about Stutterin....

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.


A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, Asked the girl to describe the incident.


"Well," she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty And the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start And before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.


'It sure was,' said the little girl.

My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF," But before she could say Fuck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!
The teacher had to leave the room.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

May you all have a wonderful day..

T ... Turkeys, table-spreads, being together,
H ... Happiness and homes to protect us from all weather,
A ... Aunts and uncles, a reunion in Fall,
N ... Nieces and nephews, family members all.
K ... Kind-hearted kin coming over for dinner,
S ... Surely you'll have fun, but you won't get thinner,

G ... Gourds and pumpkins, mouths open wide,
I ... Indians and Pilgrims we remember with pride,
V ... Very special times-there could even be snow,
I ... Imagine what it was like at Plymouth long ago,
N ... Never forget how the settlers led the way,
G ... Giving thanks and blessing this special day.



Happy Thanksgiving my special friends.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Why did the chicken cross the road?

this is a little long.... lol but wow it explains a lot about our world... *grinz* and just think from one lil ole chicken... LOL ...
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. (I wanna be this chicken)

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one

Saturday, November 20, 2010

...

... soon to be Thanksgiving ...
November 25th, 2010
list 25 things you are thankful for ...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

*Grinz*

What A Coincidence!



A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next
to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also
celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your
chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence"

Saturday, November 6, 2010

... that's cum! ...

I enjoy my time with my Kalli ... I have shared a few things with all of that she has done.

Like calling me at inopportune times when I got her her red cell phone a few years back. Or when she wanted to discuss 'periods' with me and go into detail about me having to keep 'pads' around the house for her.
... well ... today she outdone herself... let me set this up for all of you.

The two of us had gone for a ride. After getting the horses unsaddled, we made our way up to the back deck and sat down at the patio table just talking and watching the day began to end.

I had stretched out on my chair and lowered my hat a little to shade my eyes ... Kalli done the same. We vollyed conversation back and forth. More like a Q & A session. Her questions were all over the place. ..

Will you get me some new black Ugg boots for Christmas?

What do you think about highlights in a girls hair ... more than what I have?

Why do you wear that hat sometimes?

Think Nana will start decorrating for Christmas before Thanksgiving?

Do you know what a yeast infection is?

*blinks*

*sighs*

I have this keen ability to ignore some things. Some men learn that quick. And yes ... I ignored the 'yeast' question.

Bad call on my part ... because then she sucker punched me with TMI ...

"No wait!" she says.

"Girls get yeast infections and it gets on their panties yanno... but I think it's like this Scottie ... when it's white stuff on their panties ... 'that's cum' ... when it's yeast ... it turns brown."

I promise. I had to stand quickly to catch my breath. I slipped my hands into my pockets and started down the steps when I heard her cell go off. It was her mother calling, letting her know she was turning into the drive. She was there to pick her up.

Kalli made her way down the steps and over to where I was watching her mother driving up the drive.

Jamie and I exchanged hellos ... I opened the door for Kalli ... we hugged and kissed each other. As I am hugging her I am looking at her mother with this blank gaze. As she started asking me how I was, I just shook my head and took the door to shut it as soon as Kalli was in.

Jamie tells me to call her as she puts her car in reverse ... our daughter tells us ... "OH MY GOSH !... don't call her I will talk with her ... "

For the record ... at this time Jamie has called my number seven times and left five messages. I am NOT going there with either of them.

I miss...

The Friday afternoons at work, thinking that 4:30 would never come, knowing he would be at my apartment by 6:00 and that I would have a wonderful weekend. I miss the sound of the truck door closing and the "beep" it made as he locked it. I can hear the key turning in the front door and the voice that would say "honey, I'm home." Sitting at the table, the candle light soft and glowing, talking about our week ...the things that made us mad, the things that made us laugh, sharing our worlds. I can taste our first kiss, feel his hands as they touched me in ways that no one else ever has or ever will. I miss making love...the way he would slowly pull me into his arms, our bodies warm and wanting, the way I would travel down his body...my hands, my lips, my tongue feeling and tasting each inch. The scent of him as I kissed the tip of his hard cock..tasting what I had so many times, but feeling the excitement as if it were the first time all over again. His manhood so hard and throbbing as I dragged it over my lips...then opening my mouth, letting him slip inside the warm wetness. Smiling up at him as he
moaned and whispered "oh yes baby" Slowly engulfing him, the salty taste of the first little dribble of pre cum as it leaked from him...my hand reaching down...nails lightly grazing over his balls...smiling, not knowing who was loving this moment more. My mouth moving up and down slowly, the tip of my tongue teasing him...my teeth lightly grazing his hardness...the look in his eyes...his hands moving to the back of my head....setting the rhythm My own body writhing on the bed...nipples hard and aching..feeling myself growing wetter wanting him so badly. My mouth moving faster..his hips rising off the bed..our actions in perfect unison. The sound of his breath, short and hard as his fingers tangled tighter in my hair. And then..his growl of pleasure mixing with the whimpers of mine as he exploded in my throat...

I miss him...so very much....

Friday, November 5, 2010

Belly Rubbin Song

Sometimes a song keeps playing over and over, and it's almost like it's sayin "HEY listen to me.. play me... NOW please"... so here goes..

Thursday, November 4, 2010

well if it's almost Friday...lets dance!!!!

Thursday's close enough to the weekend for this...

Blackberry Smoke - "Good One Comin' On" from Blackberry Smoke on Vimeo.


Two six packs of Shiner
99 cent butane lighters
Lucky Strikes and a fifth of Patron
Ice down that Igloo cooler
Tank of gas, that ought to do her
I can feel a good one comin’ on”
--“Good One Comin’ On”

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

*snaps *snaps *snaps*


*taps my foot*

Happy Birthday, Mid!

To my sweetheart, Midwesternguy...
I hope your birthday is as special as you are, and that the next year is filled with joy and prosperity.
And hot sex. Lots of hot sex...grin...
Love, Jade  *wiggle*

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

HELLO HELLO!

Just dropping in to say hello and let you all know I haven't forgotten about you! I have been very busy with treatments and the family. Trying to spend some quality time with them, as well as find some time to relax and enjoy some quiet time.

I was in Niagara Falls last weekend with my Bucket List friends and we had a great time. We had a blast at Margaritaville where we celebrated Halloween eve in style.... well...costume! Was a little chilly but sunny and bright. The Falls never get old for me. Such raw power. Who needs gambling when you have Mother Nature?

My girls enjoyed Halloween and we got a lot of great comments on all our carved pumpkins and decorations. Now if I could just stop eating all their candy!
The last couple days have been filled with dr appts and political functions. Thank God it's all over for now!

I'm off Wed. night for a long weekend with the hubby. He surprised me with a trip to a Florida Gulf Coast island. We'll be back on Monday night. Will be very nice to have some sun and warmth before winter really sets in. Supposed to snow here this week. Good time to leave. The girls will be in good hands with my oldest. Lots of money will be left for pizza and movies!

Next week I am back on my weekly chemo schedule. Tuesday is filled with dr appts. I have to get my cortisone shots for my goofy hands/wrists, get a pneumonia shot, get bloodwork, and see my oncology dr. All different doctors! WOW...I sound like a basket case. Good thing I feel better than I sound!
Wednesday will be chemo and sleep........ one more down.

I really enjoy all your posts. I try to stop in every couple days to read and chuckle. Keep it going!

Scottie, so sorry about those Rangers.....grins. (and the rest of you Texans!)

Have a great week/ weekend and I will stop back when I can. Take care, all! (or is that y'all?)

big hugs,
Deb

Amidst all the chaos of politics and sports...

There's something to be said for simplicity.

Monday, November 1, 2010