Today was a day like no other.
Our family has waited three days in hopes of waking from a bad dream. At sunrise this morning, sitting on my back deck … the reality was there.
We went through the motions. Friends, family, neighbors and business associates were here paying their respects to our family.
This was to be a “Celebration of Life”. Several persons had been asked to speak and share memories with the assembly of people, myself being one of them.
This place was crazy over the weekend but I managed to get some alone time Sunday and tried to get some thoughts on what to say. I was looking for something that would be a blessing for his widow, his children and my mother. I had no problem thinking of things. I decided I would just wing it.
Today I was to say a few things, close out the celebration and invite the guest to our home place.
I have never had a problem speaking and holding the attention of others.
Today was different.
As the director became aware I was having some trouble … a song was played.
My attempt to deliver my words failed again.
My words were, “ I have slain a few dragons in my time …some big ones. My brother was always at my side. For reasons I don’t understand … and never will except … he is not here today ... I am on my own now. I am not ashamed of my sadness or tears or the inability to tell you about the good times … I loved my brother. If the amount of people, tears and sadness in this chapel represents that ... I want his wife, children and his mother to look around ... you two ladies done something right with that guy. I know he would’nt expect me to be able to keep myself together today … just as I would not expect him to.”
About that time … this kid I have told you about … the one I call Kalli … she stood and started walking up to the podium where I was.
She took my hand and told them, “ I know my Uncle Mike would expect me to help my Dad, he just lost his best friend.”
With that My Kalli told stories about her Uncle Mike and the other members of our family. ( The most liked story was about the time he tossed his wife in the pool and she lost her bottoms)
Not a sad face in the crowd by the time she finished with em'.
I know by the offlines that have come in for days over my messengers and emails … prayers have gone out for my family. I thank all of you … they work… right Dreambaby?
Keep them coming ... there is a huge void in Texas.
Kirsti … you earned your wings darlin.
Scott
Scott, my heart aches for you, even as it swells with pride for you at your daughter's poise and grace.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have a brother or sister, so I don't know what it's like to lose one, but as you know I'm no stranger to grief. It sucks. The pain, the emptiness, the anger...all pull at you and each step feels like walking through razor blades, and each breath feels like it's filled with broken glass. Time ceases to have any meaning, and linear thinking is simply out of the question.
The thing is, when you love someone so much, when they're so much a part of your life and who you are, their crossing should leave a hole. It should hurt, and letting go of them shouldn't be quick and easy. At least I don't think it should. Oh, the pain does ease, you do learn to live again, but it's not the same...and I don't think it should be. They mattered, so their absence, whether you believe in an afterlife or not, should hurt. Some may disagree with me, but that's the way I feel about it.
Right now, the last thing you probably want to hear is that time eases the pain. I know I didn't. But it's the truth. I've walked through it. I know firsthand. I wanted to die, too, but I didn't, and now I'm glad that I didn't.
I know you've got plenty of friends and family to lean on, but I'll say it anyway: if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. You know how to reach me.
huggs...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments.
ReplyDeleteJ... *thumbs up*
I wanna be JUST like you when I grow up.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time sweet man.
You got a very awesome daughter Scotty, she's going to be a wonderful lady... *smile*
ReplyDelete